| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|12:58 pm] |
| [ | really deep thoughts |
| |  vindictive | ] |
| [ | i can hear that |
| | Seventy Times Seven - Brand New | ] |
So...
If I were to have a friend who told me constantly that she wanted to hang out with me but "couldn't because she had no transportation"...
...and when I commented that I hadn't heard from any of my friends in a while, she said, "I called you! <3" and I felt better...
...and my dad, worried about both of us, offered to drive 40 minutes across town to drive her to my house, so I invited her over, which she never responded to...
...and then I found out it was because she DID have transportation and was using it every day to smoke pot and hang out with one of her other friends? And so was not only blowing me off but blatantly lying to my face to make me think she cared at all?
If this were to be true...
Would it be bad of me to be sort of amused that her (totally psychotic) parents found her pot, and she's probably in a great deal of shit right now? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|09:10 pm] |
| [ | really deep thoughts |
| |  crushed | ] |
errrg what the FUCK.
everything: fucked up.
girlfriend: angry at me (I think) and not here.
me: totally fucking confused, reverting to bitch defense mode, and alone in a freezing dorm.
friends: nowhere. not online, not around, nobody. all day. except for autumn briefly.
people I would like to be friends with but am too much of a bitch to talk to: EVERYWHERE.
characters: flapping at me for various reasons, not the least of which is that they HATE real life drama and have their own problems.
restate. me: so fucking lonely. and freaking out (WHERE IS SHE??) and feel like an idiot and OMG I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. |
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| No particular reason for the safety of a rant journal, except that ARGH. |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|01:41 pm] |
| [ | really deep thoughts |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | i can hear that |
| | Blue Eyes -- Cary Bros | ] |
OMG, ARGH!
I can't find my tuition bill to Hollins, or the payment plan brochure, and I have no FUCKING CLUE where it could be. My girlfriend is not here to 1)ask if she has it or 2)calm me the fuck down. I am getting blamed for no one knowing where it is. I never know where ANYTHING is. GRARG.
...besides that, I know that I've lost weight (and have been told), but my stupid ancient scale still thinks I weigh 163 pounds (TWO WEEKS OF DIETING, DAMMIT, I KNOW I'VE LOST A POUND!), which is driving me fucking batty; I finally think I look good in a bathing suit, but my arms are all flabby because I never work out; my house is a mess, and I don't really like my friend's new car which is the only thing she can be bothered to talk to me about lately (not that she's really been nice enough for me to want to bother).
And there was something else! I know there was!
This song makes me sad.
Um. Yeah. Sorry for all this. *hides somewhere*
Also: *HUGENORMOUS HUGS* for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) armabee because she was a sweetie and gave me a hug when she had no idea what I was rambling about the other day. Basically, friends were being bitches and making no effort to compromise on something they knew the girl and I were really sensitive about. Unfortunately, still true. Thanks for the hugs, they helped. :) *HUGS FOR THE REST OF YOU, TOO* |
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| The rant journal re-emerges, without explanation for the clueless. |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|09:06 pm] |
| [ | really deep thoughts |
| | angry | ] |
| [ | i can hear that |
| | Send me an Angel -- Thrice | ] |
You know what? I'm fucking tired of this.
I'm fucking tired of having to be paranoid, of having to be someone else, of my girlfriend crying to me that no one (less about five people) loves her and that you can't trust anyone,
I'm fucking tired of telling her she's wrong and being PROVEN WRONG.
I'm tired of being isolated for not doing anything but NOT BEING MY FRIENDS. I'm tired of trying to patch up misunderstandings with my friends and them acting like everything is fine and then not speaking to us as if we should know what we did. I'm tired of being scared, every time someone's voice is a little short, that it's about us.
I'm tired of finding out that it's not that someone is too tired, it's that they don't want to hang out. I'm tired of finding out that someone's pissed by NONE OF OUR FRIENDS TALKING TO US. I'm tired of everything we do being wrong, and I'm tired of no one telling us what we did. I'm tired of everything being a problem and no one wanting to compromise.
I'M SO FUCKING TIRED
AND I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE FUCKING WITH JESSI
AND I'M TIRED OF NOT KNOWING WHAT THE HELL TO DO.
ASFASDJFAS.
Sorry. Back to your normally scheduled flist. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2004|10:16 am] |
| [ | really deep thoughts |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | i can hear that |
| | Cemetery Drive -- MCR | ] |
*panics*
oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
I'm late on TWO papers. I just typed as fast as I could, have nothing more to say about the subject and am still 300 words away from completing ONE of them. Haven't even started the other. Can't miss any more German and am already late, don't have any more time in my schedule to do the other paper, have to write a final draft of a fiction stoy by Friday, have to have a thesis for my humongous English paper by Thursday...have to go to CLASSES...
*DIES*
(why am I posting here? because I'm freaked out, and there's always one friend who tells me she told me so and I don't manage things well enough, and I already know that. but you can tell me that if you like. I just...I know that. I just don't know what I'm going to do. Jessi made me a plan and I can't even DO it. I got here too late to do it.)
On the Kate front, she apologized. We're friends again. Except...I feel less okay with it, than I think Jessi does. I think she was only worried because I was, and so I'm not letting her know that I'm still worried. *sigh* I just don't want people to fight.
I'm on the verge of tears right now and I don't know what to do. I'm making A's in SOME classes and I still feel like I should just walk out of school right now.
I gotta go to German. I don't know how I'm going to concentrate. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|05:39 pm] |
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